Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
