doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
