Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was born a porn star she said
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
