proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize