the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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