Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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