Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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