Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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