Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have demons in me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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