Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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