you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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