so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
