On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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