I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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