Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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