make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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