I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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