so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
