I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
