my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
