fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
