Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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