all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The adults are the big ones right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
