my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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