sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
