yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
