I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
