Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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