can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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