you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
