My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
