I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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