Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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