Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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