So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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