dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
