I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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