apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Panties = found
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
