He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
