You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
