My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
