All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's always time for handjobs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
