I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
