Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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