I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
