Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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