you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
