why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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