are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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