10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize