his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
