do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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