Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
