How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia