I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need a beard to bite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already