If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.