At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.