last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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