I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet