can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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