You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
