we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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