She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
